Chapter 5 - Cover Blown

Yi Ling was secretly assessing Lin Xiuzhu’s psychological state.

He had just one more thing to confirm—whether this child suspected to be an alter ego had access to the primary ego’s memories. That was, if she could see, hear, and feel what Lin Xiuzhu had gone through.

If their memories were independent and the alter ego would leave no traces on the primary after she disappeared, then any therapy done before the primary wakes up would be useless. In that case, the treatment could only proceed once the primary presented.

Yi Ling kept jotting down notes as he started speaking, “What’s your boyfriend’s name?”

The upturned corners of Wu Yaya’s lips slowly grew taut. A hint of disgust leaked into her tone. “He’s called Yu Haowei.”

“When was the last time you broke up?” Yi continued asking.

“About six months ago.” Yaya’s shiny eyes became dark and heavy. Tension filled her pale face. Lin Xiuzhu’s memories were stirring up a storm in her head— a storm of pain, despair, and struggle.

She didn’t like these dark emotions, but she wasn’t affected by them either.

Yi Ling added “shared memories” to his notes, followed by a check mark.

“How did you feel when you broke up?” Yi Ling implored.

He wanted to know if the two egos could empathize with each other as well. If they could, then he could proceed with the therapy without waiting for the primary to appear.

Wu Yaya browsed Lin Xiuzhu’s memories carefully and concluded, “Ashamed.”

Yi Ling nodded, writing down “empathize with primary” along with another check mark. Oftentimes, female victims of emotional manipulations would feel an overwhelming sense of shame along with the typical feelings of grief and pain.

Typically, after a breakup, women would tell those close to them, “We broke up.”

However, victims of emotional manipulation would say, “He doesn't want me anymore.”

They objectify themselves with the negative phrase, “Don’t want.” Breaking up should be a mutual agreement of peaceful parting, and not a one-sided abandonment. Those who think of this parting as abandonment would often find themselves the inferior one in the relationship.

They thought of themselves as someone’s possession, whose value was solely determined by how much their owner needed them.

Once their owner found them useless and showed signs of disdain, they would naturally develop a sense of shame. They think of themselves as the root of every problem.

“You shouldn’t feel shame.” Yi Ling corrects her calmly.

“You’re right.” Wu Yaya agreed immediately. She thought this feeling was unfounded. Shouldn’t ditching scum be celebrated with fireworks and all?

Yi Ling had many more words of guidance, but he could only shake his head and smile wryly against Wu Yaya's matter-of-fact and subtly disdainful attitude. This child possessed remarkable mental fortitude—no wonder the primary created her.

“Doctor, what’s your name?” Wu Yaya hijacked the conversation.

The man took a business card from his pocket and handed it over.

The little crow looked at it from all angles. Printed on there was only a name and a phone number. There was no company, title, or anything else.

“You’re called Yi Ling?” Wu Yaya looked at the person she had been longing for. Her eyes were twinkling as if she had just received a delightful surprise.

Yi Ling’s lips curled slightly. A gentle, accepting aura emanated from his eyes that shimmered blue. He realized almost immediately that the girl was interested in him. This interest was verging on infatuation. He didn’t say anything, though, and just sat there quietly, waiting.

The girl waved the business card, asking, “Is this phone number the one on your WeChat?”

“No.” He answered amicably.

“Then, add me.” Wu Yaya brought out her QR code and offered it to him as if it were the most natural thing.

“Sorry, I don’t add strangers.” Yi Qing politely but firmly declined the request.

Wu Yaya didn’t expect to be met with rejection, and puffed out her cheeks. Fire seemed to ignite inside her dark and shiny orbs. She was mad, and this made her expressions lively, as if to expose everything she was feeling.

So, that performance in front of Lin Xiusong must’ve been her peak acting.

Yi Ling looked down as his lips curled upward on their own will.

“Innocent, direct, opposite of the primary”, his inky pen tip spelled out these words. 

Wu Yaya glared daggers at the man. Seeing him unfazed, she huffed, “We will get to know each other sooner or later.”

“Hm.” Yi Ling responded with a low hum.

The girl leaned back against the pillow, her left leg resting on top of her right. Swinging her feet against each other, she asked slowly, “Where did you go all these years?”

“You know me?” Yi Ling raised his head. His eyes were still soft, but something inside darkened from caution.

Wu Yaya rolled her eyes but didn’t answer.

The man relaxed and chuckled to himself. “I was abroad and only came back recently,” he answered her question in a soft voice. He shouldn’t be alarmed by an innocent child like her who posed no threat.

“Oh, you went overseas!” Wu Yaya made an expression like something had clicked in her brain.

She had looked for him for over a decade, but it turned out he had gone off somewhere very far. As expected, promises meant nothing to humans. She hadn’t seen a single marble from him!

The girl crossed her arms and furrowed her cheeks, looking rightfully grumpy.

Yi Ling took a meaningful look at her and jotted down “moody”.

The conversation had been derailed for long enough. It was time to get back on track. “Do you think your boyfriend loves you?”

“As if.” Wu Yaya spat out without a thought.

Yi Ling chuckled. This alter may be less mature than the primary ego, but she certainly saw things more clearly.

“Then what do you think love is?” He guided her to think deeper.

The girl was staring at the ceiling, her eyes blinking as she thought. “Love is someone who makes my nest when I’m tired, gives me water when I’m thirsty, feeds me when I’m hungry, and comforts me when I’m scared.” 

Wu Yaha didn’t have any friends. All she had to interact with were animals with little intelligence. The only love she could receive was from the curtain fig who raised her.

But, that was more than enough for her.

She scrunched her nose, and her blinking eyes grew moist. She missed home.

This gave Yi Ling a better sense of the girl who was residing in the grown woman’s body. The primary created a happy backstory for her.

In reality, she lost her parents at a young age. Her older sister had to toil away day in and day out to raise her. So, her childhood was dark and lacked colours. Her heart was empty. She was surrounded by loneliness and rarely felt loved. So it made sense that she fell for Yu Haowei and let him manipulate her.

Yet, the girl in front of him grew up full of love. Loneliness might even be a foreign concept to her.

However, what this girl understood about love was also skewed. In her description, love was her needs being fulfilled unconditionally. She didn’t need to offer anything in return.

For her, love was taking without giving; for Lin Xiuzhu, love was giving without taking. They were like two sides of the same mirror—seemingly identical, yet completely opposite.

“Self-centred” was Yi Ling’s conclusion that he jotted down.

He didn’t point it out, though, and implored further, “You can judge whether someone loves you, so why didn’t you break up with Yu Haowei? What stopped you?”

The duty of a psychiatrist wasn’t to answer the patient’s problems for them, but to guide them to their own answers. In this process, they’ll have to dissect themselves. They’ll question themselves, condemn themselves, and reconcile with themselves, before finally finding themselves again.

Wu Yaya picked at her nails, confused, “I don’t know.”

She couldn’t comprehend the complex emotional journey that Lin Xiuzhu went through in her simple way of thinking. It was a tangled mess that she couldn’t find the ends of.

Yi Ling wasn’t surprised to hear this answer. Instead, he tried another approach. “Imagine, a miracle happened, and you woke up one morning—”

That was when Wu Yaya interjected, “I usually sleep until noon.”

Yi Ling: …

A smile crept onto his lips. He revised his question and continued, “A miracle happened, and you woke one afternoon as someone with high self-esteem. What would you want to do?”

This was a therapy technique called “the Miracle Question,” designed to help patients identify their deepest desires—those that can only be fulfilled by a miracle.

Implant that wish into their hearts, and they’ll want to obtain it no matter what. This gives them the drive to heal their emotional wounds.

Without missing a beat, the girl answered, “Go out to play, of course.”

“Play? How?” Yi Ling was rapidly making notes.

“Going to the park to play with kitties and doggos, going to jewelry stores to look at shiny rocks, going to orchards to steal fruits, going to the fire station to watch the firemen play with fire…” Wu Yaya was counting on her fingers. So many things entertained her.

She glanced at Yi Ling and added, “I also like to circle around the city to look for my Little Marble.”

Yi Ling wasn’t interested in marbles, so he didn’t ask further. Her hobbies sound like a child’s, so he struck out “16-18 y.o” and replaced it with “14-18 y.o”.

Then, he added, “a high sense of self-worth, highly antagonistic”.

The earlier question was actually a test. It didn’t matter what she answered.

If it were the real Lin Xiuzhu here, she would’ve never interrupted his question, nor would she have answered without much of a thought. She would’ve asked, “What’s high self-esteem? How would someone like that act?”

A person like her, who had been hurt to the point of her soul breaking, could no longer understand what self-esteem felt like.

It was a world beyond her.

That was enough for the test.

Yi Ling crossed out the question mark after the “alter ego” and wrote sharply:

Lin Xiuzhu - dissociative identity disorder

2 known egos, the primary and one alter

The alter has a strong psyche and high self-esteem

High degree of happiness, highly independent, and highly antagonistic

Capable of sharing memories and empathizing with the primary; very helpful in treating the primary ego

No need to erase

He looked at the girl happily playing with her fingers and smiled.

Wu Yaya smiled back at him, seeming very relaxed. She thought her disguise was impeccable. Little did she know, her cover had completely blown, save for the very last bit of mystery.

Without a warning, Yi Ling said, “You’re not Lin Xiuzhu. What is your name?”

Wu Yaya: “Gawwh???!!!”